Author’s Note
I first started my blog in 2020. I included essays and some poems I’d written, going back over 50 years. When I started this blog I had someone else manage the construction and maintenance of my site. I wrote the essays and submitted them to her, and she posted them to my blog.
She recently retired, leaving me to fend for myself. Rather than migrate the entire blog to this site, I’ve decided to take the opportunity to review and edit each entry, and, in some cases, rewrite some of my posts.
My plan is to re-release each entry as I work through them, every few weeks.
Who I am
I’ve been told I’m an over thinker. I’ve been thinking a lot about that…
I prefer being called a deep thinker, although I know there’s a fine line which separates “deep” from “over.” It’s often pretty noisy inside my head. I’ve been writing, off and on, for over 50 years and thought it’s time I shared some of what I’ve been writing.
So often the “Who I Am” blurb about an author is really a “What I Do” list. So, I’ll start by sharing what I do. (We’ll see how long it takes for me to transition toward the “Who I Am”.) I’m employed (self-employed) as a psychologist. I’m at the tail end of my career (albeit a long tail). I work two days a week. I see individual adults in my private practice. I haven’t seen anyone new in several years. I’m limiting my practice to my current clients, and any former clients who wish to resume therapy.. For a long time I also worked with couples. It was during the dissolution of my marriage (see below) that I stopped seeing couples.
Much of what I write is influenced by my having worked so closely with individuals and couples for the last 45 years. I have my own life experiences to draw upon, but also the life experiences of so many others, who’ve shared with me very intimate and private details of their lives.
When I’m not working with clients, I spend a great deal of my time in my workshop. I’m a woodworker. I love the creative process and the feeling of pride and joy I get, as much from conceiving of and working on a project as I do from the finished product. I may add to this blog pictures of some of the pieces I’ve made.
I started my professional life as a 4th grade teacher. As much as I love my work as a psychologist, I regret having left teaching. In hindsight, that was the closest to a “perfect fit” I could ever hope for in a career.
I was married for 32 years. I was divorced in 2016. My former wife passed away in 2019. There’s much about the arc and trajectory of that relationship and its aftermath which has been the subject of so much of my deep thinking and, at times, overthinking. In the 10 years since my divorce I’ve thought about writing about aspects of my marriage. To date, I haven’t felt ready. At some point, maybe I will
I’m the parent of two grown adults. My daughter is married and has two girls. They live nearby. My son is married and has one son and, at the time of this writing, has another one on the way.
My granddaughters are now about to turn 13 years old. They’re twins (not identical in appearance, temperament or personality). Since the beginning of the Covid pandemic my granddaughters have been coming to my house one afternoon a week, and on occasion they sleep over. My growing relationship with my granddaughters is one of the very few positive results of the Covid pandemic. And for that I am quite grateful to Covid.
I wish I’d been as good a parent to my children as I am a grandparent to my granddaughters. Fredrik Backman wrote, “Grandchildren are the bridge between grandparents and their children. That’s why we get the chance to spoil our grandchildren. Because by doing that, we’re apologizing to our children.”
My grandson is 2 ½ years old and there aren’t enough superlatives to describe him. He’s a very sweet and happy little boy.
Underlying my marriage and divorce, and the difference between the nature of my relationships with my children when they were young and the nature of my relationship with my granddaughters, is what I am only recently identifying as a lifelong difficulty in “showing up” in personal and intimate relationships.
I’m fortunate to be able to work toward transforming my generally good relationship with my children into one in which I more fully show up. I’m sorry not to have had the opportunity to do that with my former wife, even if it had been after we had divorced.
Showing up is something I’m exploring, and with which I’m experimenting. At some point it may be a topic of my writing on this platform.
I’m a white, heterosexual male. I was a child in the 1950’s. I’m a product of my environment. I grew up with a (mostly) unconscious sense of superiority, privilege and entitlement. For a long time I’ve actively (although at times, reluctantly) worked toward identifying and challenging the invisible biases in which I was bathed from the moment of my birth.
Ironically, it’s that invisible bias which, at least in part, prompts and encourages my writing and the creation of this blog. I’ve got an innate belief not just that I’ve got something important to say, but that others want to hear what I have to say. On reflection, that sounds pretty entitled to me!
I’ve come to accept that while I know what I know, I don’t know what I don’t know. Which is a catchy way to say that when I’m confronted with an unconscious assumption, bias, stereotype, or prejudice on my part, I resist my initial impulse to deny or justify its existence.
My hope and intention is to actively work toward making the unconscious conscious. Carl Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”
I was born and raised Jewish and became a Baha’i in 1981. (Another topic you may be reading about on this platform, in the future.) Much of the growing awareness I’ve described in the preceding four paragraphs have been the direct result of my becoming and embracing the teachings and world view of the Baha’i Faith.
Of necessity, any “Who I Am” statement can only skim the surface of that which makes up the distinct characteristics, flaws, weaknesses and strengths of a person’s identity. There’s much I could say about my family of origin, both immediate and extended. All of whom have imprinted themselves on my early, growing sense of self. My friends, intimate relationships and even conflicted relationships all have contributed to the sum of my parts – the “Who I Am” in this moment.
Rather than describe any of those relationships, and their influences on me, here, I’ll leave it to my essays, stories and poems to reveal aspects of my inner self. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions about who I am. I share all of this with you to help inform your understanding of my writings and the person behind the writings. I hope it is helpful
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